My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago for a reason she said she's missing being independent so I guess that was my fault. We've been together for about a year and a half already so these days are really the hardest days of my life. We're still in touch with one another but the mentality of not having her, of not being attached to her anymore is really a pain in my heart. She's not there anymore when I woke up. Her attitudes toward me is constantly changing and I hate the fact that my mind is telling me of different things about her, haunting me every minute and every hour of my life.

Call me bitter, but that is what I really feel. I'm thinking that everything is broken in my life right now. Without her, my life has been very difficult to live and I know this is not the same me that I used to know before. I don't know what she feels right now but I guess she still needs time to think of this. I know for that one year and a half that we've spent, there is something I guess I've left her. Memories, everything, I know she's undecided.

I've never given her silence since we broke up. I've been texting her every time I can. I'm pleading for her reconsideration. I'm paranoid, maybe. I promised her I would do everything for her just to get back into my life but all I have are pain I get from investigating everything happening these days. I'm getting answers but it hasn't helped me a lot. It only kills me every time I think of the fact she's out with somebody else and that she doesn't even care of how I feel
these days.

I reminisce everyday of those memories we've had before and it prolongs the agony to myself. I kept thinking the songs we used to sing, the things we used to do together, the joys, all the laughters and even the saddest days we've had only for me to remember her and prove to myself I still love her. Every time I do think of those things, it just left me shedding tears for myself and for the time we've spent.

I didn't want this to stop until I came up with a plan for everything of this to cease. and that is - for me to commit suicide. *JOKE*

the real thing is that I want to enjoy every moment first that I could still be with her or grab her by my side. I know I still can do that. Maybe she'll realize in that way that I'm worth keeping and the relationship is worth trying. But that is not my real objective. The real objective for this agenda is for me to set her free, for me to sweetly set her free. That could be about a week from now.

It would not mean I'm giving her up or I'm surrendering but it would mean that I'm ready to face my tomorrow. I guess that would be the time she would be happy even if it would be the hardest decision of my life.

Without a doubt, I love her. I may have never been the most honest person in this world but I truthfully love her. She was my life. She was everything to me. For now, she would be my sweetest downfall.

I'm not hoping she would read this but I want to leave a memory of her in this.